November 3, 2016
Dear San Diego Padres Front Office!
The World Series has just ended and, even though I was able to cheerfully congratulate the Chicago Cubs on ending their historic drought, I’m left wondering – for the 30th year in a row – when will I get to dance around in my living room, proudly sporting my retro Padres gear and celebrate the way Mr. Padre himself, Tony Gwynn, would’ve celebrated?
Then I remembered that the club president was given the ‘wish him well in his future endeavors’ email (that’s how we do things in the insurance business), which meant there was now a position open with the San Diego Padres.
Before you toss this letter in the recycle bin – you do recycle don’t you? – let me waste your time by explaining why I’d make the perfect next club president of the San Diego Padres.
First, let me be honest with you and tell you it is not about the money. Nope! Not at all! I’m sure the job pays a little better than what I get now, but that’s not why I’m doing this. Nope! Not at all! In fact, the wife and I, and our three kids, to a lesser extent, are actually fairly comfortable living off my (I won’t share now, but if you want to ask feel free and I’ll share) annual salary I get for servicing insurance policies for a Fortune top 100 company (actually 73, but who’s counting?).
No, I would be doing this job because for 30 years I’ve watched my beloved Padres, the team I fell in love with on June 6, 1986 (it was a 3-2 10th-inning win over the Atlanta Braves. Bip Roberts was the player of the game. I just rattled that off of memory. Do you think any of your other club presidents could do that? Didn’t think so!), win one National League pennant.
Oh, why that date? I won tickets from the Cub Scouts, came out to the Murph, fell in love with the team and the rest is my history.
Sure, once I moved to the Seattle area I became an M’s fan (that’s Mariners for short), the team that we share a complex with during the spring, our so-called interleague rival. Sure I once loved the Phoenix Suns (curse you John Paxson), and like the Indianapolis Colts now, but nothing would ever compare to the San Diego Padres winning a World Series.
I know you’re wondering, why should you hire a 39-year-old (which actually isn’t young for a club president, I mean Theo Epstein’s 42), current insurance agent to be your club president.
You mean, other than the fact that from 1986 to 1991 I ran my own imaginary baseball league? That’s right an entire league built from my imagination! I kept stats, wrote up transaction history, box scores for an entire 24-team league. All while reading the best of what Bill James had to offer. I was 9-years-old and may have missed my calling…until now.
Well, I’m here to share with you why. Please don’t throw this away!
I like to think I’m a natural leader. Seriously, where ever I’ve gone people have asked me to lead them. Crazy right?!
Whether it be my first job at Rax Restaurants as a scrawny 17-year-old, where I took over as shift manager, the local Chamber of Commerce where I became President, Toastmasters where I was voted president, the insurance agency I first started with, running my own insurance agency, my church, coaching youth sports, being a commissioner of numerous fantasy sports leagues (more on that in a bit), to even just picking where we’re going for lunch, I’ve always been in a leadership and mentoring role.
I’m a quick learner.
I know there are things to learn in this new role, things I’ve never done before – like dealing with millions of millions of dollars – but as a hands-on guy I’ll pick things up quickly. Promise!
I’m always looking for ways to better myself, whether it is immersing myself into the aforementioned leadership material, working on how to resolve conflict, cleaning up my finances, or most importantly, bettering myself as a father so that future generations will actually have people that use common sense, I’m always working on learning new things.
I can find talent.
I’ve been doing fantasy sports for almost two decades…wow, make that almost three decades – since 1990 – and since I’ve started keeping a history of my leagues, I’ve only finished below .500 once in 33 seasons (12 in football, 11 in baseball, 10 in basketball), with a total of 91 teams (53 in football, 21 baseball, 17 basketball). My fantasy sports resume is attached to this letter.
I may not win championships (I call myself the Peyton Manning of fantasy football), but I’ll make sure we’ll make the postseason, something other Padres’ presidents have not done.
Let’s not sell myself short though. I have won championships. Quite a few actually (see attached resume).
Finally I’m resilient.
Like Chubawamba once sang, I’ll get knocked, but I’ll get up again. This is true in real life, along with fantasy life where three times I’ve turnaround 0-4 or 1-5 teams via trades, and made the postseason. I will do the same for the Padres.
We need a president that is going to make use of our first-round picks. I had to go back to the ‘Glory Days’ – SEE: early ‘80s – before I found first-round picks that actually made some kind of impact (Kevin McReynolds, Shane Mack, Joey Cora, Andy Benes).
We also need someone that’s going to keep and develop talent, and NOT trade away World Series-winning first baseman Anthony Rizzo, as a favor to Epstein and Jed Hoyer. Not our fault they drafted him and traded him from the Red Sox, we don’t need to be generous and give him back to them!
I have a passion and a love for the Padres that may be unrivaled.
Okay, it may be rivaled, as I have moved away and don’t get access to all your games. Well, I could get the MLB package but … my wife’s to blame for that! She even said she wouldn’t move to San Diego if I were to get this job. Can you believe that? San Diego in the summer = PERFECT! Oh and my answer, “I’ll see you in the fall!” That’s right the fall, like November 10, after our parade through Gaslamp!
In all seriousness, what you’re getting is someone that has a love for the sport, a pretty good knowledge of the sport (give me a year from 1980 on and I’ll tell you the World Series match up and the National League and American League Most Valuable Players), along with strategic knowledge of the sport. Ask my son, just last night I told him during one at-bat that I’d throw two high fastballs, then drop a curve on him. Sure enough…got him swinging!
As mentioned, attached are my professional resume and my fantasy resume.
I want to thank you for your consideration. I’m sure it’s not every day you get an application like this, but despite the fun I had while writing it, I feel like if, for some reason, you wanted to take a chance I could turn this ship around and make the Padres a contender in 3-5 seasons. No joke!
Thank you for your time, hopefully some laughs, and I look forward to hearing from you soon.
(360) ***-3*71 – text okay
References upon request.