Future Kevin, Here’s What February 2014 Looked Like!

It’s been a month since I last posted about what I called the “12-Second Debacle”. I have stayed away from any football news since then, turned down requests from my buddy to watch the Seahawks Super Bowl DVD, and told Lukas that if he planned to replay the Super Bowl with his LEGOs he best do it in another room. Yes, I’m over it. Shut up!

Since I have nothing fun to write about, I thought I would give myself a recap of February 2014, so when it’s February 2024 I can look back and think, “Geez, I was so young and stupid then!” I know that’s what I think when I look back at Kevin from February 2004. Kinda that whole Matthew McConaughey Oscar speech thing, except that he sees himself as a hero and I’m a cross between Goofy and Wile E. Coyote.

So future Kevin, here are a bunch of random things that ran through my head as I sat down at 9:30pm on March 6, 2014 to write.

How are you finding the time? Lucky for me someone wanted to speak at tomorrow’s LeTip meeting so instead of coming up with something at the last-minute (and before preparing my third speech in a week) I get to relax. Yes, there are dishes to be done, but the kids are attempting to fall asleep (except for Levi … more on that when I brief you about him) and the noise of running water and banging dishes wouldn’t help accomplish the highlight of my day.

Things have been super busy, as you can expect. Basketball and church on Sunday. Tuesday morning “Boomtown” meeting, Tuesday afternoon LeTip board meeting, Wednesday featured the Chamber luncheon that you run as President, Wednesday night is Youth Group that you run at the church. Thursday morning Toastmasters, and your inspirational speech you teared up on – darn you! And that brings you to Friday morning LeTip, possibly “Coffee with the Mayor” and Saturday’s LEGO club. OK … so that’s the highlight of your week.

Oh yah, don’t forget you did your best attempt at Billy Crystal hosting the Oscars by hosting Sultan’s annual Community Awards Banquet. You can find that performance by clicking here (Thanks TurkPride TV!): Community Awards

UPDATE: Okay, maybe I was more like Seth MacFarlane. One of the attendees from the Awards Banquet came up to me this morning and mentioned a fire department joke I told to introduce one of our fire departments, and how inappropriate the joke was. “What word starts with F and ends with UCK … FIRETRUCK! Geez!” Of course, fire truck is actually two words, but for the sake of the joke. Doesn’t matter. I told him that I wavered on it, took the advice of two people that said to go for it, and, as I told him today, unfortunately that’s what people will remember from it. He agreed. Didn’t bother to compliment the fact that I had a “Go Turks!” chant going to pump up the audience for that evening’s Turks’ basketball playoff game, that I brought up 10 members of the community to do a David Letterman type “Top 10 Reasons I Volunteer”, or that I was able to fly through the event within 1-1/2 hours, an hour faster than last year’s, with more crowd interaction and less butchering and awkward pauses than the prior host (trust me, I was there). When all else fails go with your instincts, and when that fails (as it usually does) go with what your wife says, “Don’t tell the joke!”

Yes, future Kevin we hope that all these networking events will eventually pay off, but you’re really going to have to start ASKING people for their business rather than wearing a Nationwide windbreaker over a Nationwide fleece zip-up, over your dress shirt with the Nationwide lapel pin, over your Nationwide boxers (OK, so I don’t have the boxers – yet), and expect people to just randomly assume you want to do business with them. Yes, the ASK! Followed by the “How Hard Do I Push Them to Do Business With Me?” chat. Followed by the “What If They Reject Me?” feelings. Followed by either the loss, which puts me in a depressed state of mind for 2-3 business days, or the surprised excitement when they actually sign on the dotted line of both the application and their check, and the happy dance that follows as they drive away.

Tell me future Kevin, how’d we do? Did we make it? It’s an extremely tough business, this sales business. A $647 paycheck for the last two weeks of February didn’t help. You attempt to stay positive but when you have a dry spell of a week or more it’s hard to bounce back. It’s not in your make up. So tell me, did we make it?! OK … I’ll wait and see.

Keep positive … stay encouraged … even though you mention to the City that you want to host a flood informational class in their conference room and they steal your idea and present it to the other agents in the area. Theme song for this paragraph, “No Love” by Eminem and Lil’ Wayne.

Speaking of positive (sort of) you’re down to 210-pounds. We’re not sure how you did it, but drinking less pop, and eating less at night are the leaders in the clubhouse. The 210 is the least you’ve weighed in at least 5-7 years. Nice work! You’ve lost 20 pounds in a year!

You rid yourself of Facebook … at least for a day. Let’s see how long it lasts. Future Kevin, do they still have Facebook or did it finally ruin relationships between everyone. Maybe we no longer socialize, or only socialize thru social media.

adam-driver-574332lWhy did you rid yourself of Facebook (probably temporarily, though you’re secretly hoping it lasts forever. Be … strong)? It had become a huge distraction at work. You were either caught up replying to instant messages from friends, or caught up in something you saw on one of the many sports or Star Wars pages you’ve liked. No, there wasn’t stalkerish snooping, but these stories often led to other stories and just like that you were 45 minutes into reading about why some Fanboy thinks that Adam Driver (pictured right) is going to be Jacen Solo. Is he future Kevin? How did Driver do?

And this B.S. about how social media drives business! It ain’t driving my business, or like everything else, I just ain’t that good at it. I would post nearly daily and get nothing. I started to post Motivational Songs of the Day, in hopes of inspiring people with music, along with generating conversation and maybe some views. Ha! Nobody offered to share with me what songs they find motivated, I had two to four people who regularly liked it (my mom, my wife, my sales buddy that helped me come up with the idea, and one other random person), and I averaged about 22 views per post. I don’t know. I’d like it if my insurance agent posted fun, interactive stuff like Motivational Songs of the Day.

If you haven’t gotten a quote from me, or done business with me, why or why not? Please tell me. Please be honest. I thought that the people I supported via the ACS Relay for Life, community events, school, church and more would help support me. That’s why I went out on my own. I thought I’d have enough referrals from people who I work alongside with in all the community events I love doing, that my well wouldn’t run dry. Well … I’m real thirsty boss!

Our basketball team is 3-2. We won three straight and played two nearly flawless games. In one of them I dislocated my ring finger. Ouch! Knuckle was off to one side. Next day the doctor popped it into place. I can’t quite grab my kid when he goes streaking by, but typing no longer causes it to swell up and be sore. First world problems right guys?

My buddy Wes made a copy of the Toni Braxton / Babyface album “Love, Marriage & Divorce”. Like McDonald’s I’m lovin’ it! Nice to have some decent slow jams to sway to. Thanks ‘Face, you’re always so good at doing that for me!

‘Nuff about me, let’s check in with my family.

Lis was so stressed about my lack of production showing up in our bank account that she took on a fourth job working nights at Jack in the Box. Yes, thanks to your support my wife is now working nights at Jack in the Box, along with cleaning two of our friends houses, a condo complex, and raising our three kids. By the way, my wife rocks. Rather than bitch and moan about how I’ve gotten off to a rough and slow start, she took action. There are a lot of wives out there that can take a page out of my wife’s book. Kids out of diapers by two, kids sleeping in their own beds, supporting your husband, maybe not with hugs, kisses and encouraging words, but by taking action and not telling him how you wish he were different. Yes, I take her for granted, but darn I did a great job of picking her!

Speaking of great job, we had a conference with Lukas’s 3rd grade teacher today. He’s doing great. Reading above grade level. Math above grade level. He’s a team player. Loves to help his classmates with problem solving. He’s popular in class, because he likes everyone and not to the point where he’s over-confident or cocky. He works hard. Loves to ask questions. Pretty much everything we don’t see from him at home. Ha! Except that we did have to ask the question, “Does he cry?” For the third year in a row his teacher had to reassure us that, “He’s a sensitive kid.” But his teacher said that when he does get upset (often for something silly like making a mistake in class) that he just asks him to step into the hallway and get himself calmed down. No problem there! Except the teacher confessed that one time he had forgotten that Lukas was in the hallway and they started a birthday party without him. It wasn’t until one of the kids was like, “Uh teacher, Lukas is still in the hallway.” Best part of the conference was that story!

I had to send Lukas into the hallway during basketball this season. He was getting manhandled by kids that were more interested in pushing their way into steals, than actually playing solid defense. He hadn’t dealt with that before and he let it get to him. Next time we faced that team he was breaking ankles, crossing them over, scoring seven points, getting to the free throw line, and doing his best to will his team to victory. Except we loss. First season of basketball though and he led his team in scoring. Very proud!

While Lukas is dreaming of a college career in hoops, Lia is proud to admit that when she grows up she wants to be a “food scanner.” What’s a food scanner? You know those people who check out your food when you leave the grocery store? Yes, they’re called grocery clerks. That’s what my daughter strives to be. I honestly think this one can be whatever she dreams to be. She’s just five so I hope that dream grows bigger, because I have high expectations for her. In the meantime, it’s all “paper or plastic?”

We did finally get her signed up for Kindergarten. Some people wait in line for TVs, DVDs or whatever else you wait in line for on Black Friday. Well this was our Black Friday! Registration started at 9am, Lis was in line by 8:30am. It’s been a long time coming, or so it seems. We felt she was ready last year, but her birthday falls 26 days later, so she’s spent an extra year making us excited for September 2014. She says she’s nervous because she can’t write, or can only spell Lia, Levi, Cat and Dog. I know kids her age that can barely talk and just learned to use the bathroom on their own. She’ll be just fine.

That brings us to Wreck-It-Ralph, the newest nickname for Levi. I call him “Tank” as well, either one goes fine because he’s big and he’s rough and, “I’m going to wreck it!” At least that’s what he does with what seems like everything. We’ve had toys, games, furniture, whatever that has lasted through two kids and nine years, then “Ralph” comes along and it’s destroyed. Drives me nuts! “Take that from him before he … ahh!”


The thing he does better than all three kids, other than destroy things, is fall asleep. Wow, I’ll race my 2-year-old against your 2-year-old in a “First One to Fall Asleep” contest. He’s out in three minutes flat! It’s amazing! He’s always been able to fall asleep anywhere, and now he does it in a matter of minutes. It makes bedtime so much easier, especially since the ones that had trouble falling asleep are old enough to realize that you don’t need 10 glasses of water or 13 trips to the bathroom. As he closes in on 3-years (March 27) I hope that it continues like that. What an amazing trait to have! I only realized this when I was in my mid-20’s and was falling asleep after two minutes, most of the time after boom-boom. Why does it make me so sleepy?

ChewyBaseball starts soon! Yes! That means it’s fantasy baseball season! Already have one team name that Lukas helped me with. The Walking Carpets! Like our logo?

See you in April for a recap of March!

One thought on “Future Kevin, Here’s What February 2014 Looked Like!

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