58 Things I Learned While Being Home Alone – Nos. 58-50

First, a quick shout-out to whoever has been reading my blog the last couple of days. I had 443 views yesterday, 85 the day before and 122 the day before that! Thanks for reading!

I might as well send out a shout-out to those of you that read it on a regular basis! I always get a nice feeling when someone tells me that they enjoy reading my blog. Well, first I’m shocked that someone’s reading it and second, I’m scared that I may have said something that offended them. After those two feelings pass then there’s a sense of accomplishment. I love to write and when I know there may be an audience it makes me want to write more frequently. It also challenges me to come up with something decent (unlike this babbling paragraph). So thank you all!

As mentioned in a prior entry, my wife and kids ditched me for 58 days opting out of our summer for a winter in Brazil, thus leaving me alone and frightened! It also left me fending for myself for 58 days, something I haven’t done in over nine years and was never any good at in the few years I was a bachelor.

This left me wondering, what will I learn, or have to relearn, while I’m a bachelor for two months?

This paired with my wanting to find an easy way to countdown the days until their return, allowed me to come up with “58 Things I Learned While Being Home Alone”.

I knew I wouldn’t be able to blog about something for 58 days. I just don’t have that much material (and time). So instead I decided I would post one every day on Facebook. As odd as it sounds people began to follow it.

I walked into a local hangout in Sultan and one of the gals asked, “How many days do we have left?” I was confused before I realized, she was actually paying attention. It’s been fun. The best part is that they are all true. They are all things I’m learning while being home alone. Seriously, I couldn’t make up things like No. 55.

Since I use my blog as a journal-slash-family history book for my kids I thought I would post 10 of them at a time (except for this first one, all others will be 49-40, 39-30, etc.) with a little more explanation, just cause I can.

So … let us start with No. 58! Here are my 58 Things I Learned While Being Home Alone …

#58 – I can touch 30 on the receiver while listening to my music at 9:30 at night!

One of the few perks of having my family away! I have three kids. I’m a Johnson (if you know my family that will make sense). I don’t do quiet. When I get home I put on my “Cleaning House Mix“, turn up the volume and actually clean! Psst! If you have Spotify then click on “Cleaning House Mix” and you’ll be linked to the playlist.

#57 – I can go #2 with the door open and no little ones trying to sneak a peek.

I won’t go into too much details as I had a couple of TMI comments. Let’s just say this is also one of the few perks of being home alone. No lil’ Lia peeking through the door with her “Hi Daddy!”

#56 – Hanging out with great people, sharing laughs and tears, is a great remedy for being home alone.

If you read my prior post “My 5 Special Moments from Relay!” then you’re familiar with what I’m talking about. If you’re not, after you’re done reading this continue to scroll down and it should be there (or click the title of the post up above).

#55 – No matter how afraid of the dark you are. Never, EVER lock the door that goes from the inside of your garage to the inside of your house! Especially wearing only a t-shirt and boxer shorts! Thankfully I found Lis Johnson’s hospital PJs. Thankfully my Grandparents live two blocks away and thankfully Mother has a spare key! Oh yah, I’m going to embarrass myself with a photo!

Locked Out! At least I have a screwdriver!

This is when I found out people are actually reading my crap! I received 34 LIKES and 22 comments on this post. I don’t even get that for my birthday! Why so many LIKES? Well, look at the picture. I’m a fool!

The story goes like this … I was about to shower (which is a good thing I wasn’t totally ready to shower) when I walked into the garage to get my electric razor to trim my beard. The second the door clicked closed a silent “Ahh shucks!” went off in my head. My next thought was how do I get back into the house. There was no spare key. I had sealed all the windows shut. I needed to call my Mom to get a spare key. How was I going to call her? I could ask the neighbors for their phone but … that’s right. I’m in my boxers and I have drool stains on my shirt. Now, if I could just find something to put on. There was nothing in the van. If I was a toddler I’d have a whole pick of clothes (and a few extra outfits) as there were boxes upon boxes for picking. About 35 minutes later I noticed Lis’s hospital PJ’s in the area where she usually takes old ragged clothes and turn them into rags. I pulled them on! Remembered my Grandparents lived two blocks away and jogged to their house! Fun times! It took me three days before I realized I need my wifey.

#54 – It’s a lot faster, and more relaxing, getting ready for church in the morning when you don’t have to yell, “(Insert Kid’s Name) get dressed, brush your teeth and stop annoying (Insert Other Kid’s Name)!” every 30 seconds.

It’s more fun though going to church with your entire family. But yah, if you have multiple kids you know the drill. And don’t begin to tell me every Sunday when you’re in a hurry your kids are angels getting dressed, brushing their teeth, eating breakfast. If they are, take the shocker off their necks. Sure there are days when Lukas does everything without us asking but then that means he’s done early so he has enough time to pester his sister.

#53 – I can stop doing my best impression of Lolo Jones by not having to hurdle gates going into the bathroom.

I thought of this one the first day when I came home from work and realized I can remove the gates for two months. For those of you that don’t know who Lolo Jones is … you will later this summer. You can also click on her name.

Yes, we have gates going into our bathroom. Why? Not because we’re afraid Levi will drown himself in the toilet. Though the largeness of his head would allow him to be top heavy, the cone part of it would clog the toilet and stop him from being neck deep in water. I can joke about this because I too have a large head.

No, the gates are up because SEE: No. 57, we don’t like our toilet paper unraveled, he thinks he can climb up onto the sink by opening the drawers thus creating a staircase to … couldn’t think of anything clever that rhymed with heaven, other than Kevin, but that wouldn’t make sense.

#52 – Though sleeping diagonally in bed is fun, it’s still sleeping alone – and my pillow doesn’t kiss back!

Sleep is rough when you’re alone and you’re used to having someone an arm length away. I don’t know why but it just is. I tossed and turned the two nights prior to writing this. I would wake up, fall back asleep, wake up. I did the same thing when I was staying in a hotel in Boise for a week. I just couldn’t get good sleep! Darn you Lis!

Oh but I do like sleeping diagonally.

#51 – Though my family is on the other side of the equator I was still able to continue the one 4th of July tradition I despise – a trip to the grocery store.

I needed water balloons. I needed daiquiri mix. I actually didn’t NEED any of those two but I wanted to get them for when I hung out with the neighbors. I filled the balloons with the daiquiri mix and then bombed them with it. Um…maybe not. I decided we’d hit up Fred Meyer after our successful 4th of July Pancake Breakfast/Bike Parade at our church (an event I created). When we pulled into the parking lot I realized I’m a bad husband. For the last eight years I’ve complained to Lis about going to the store on the 4th of July. I dreaded the lines, everyone in a hurry to get to their bbq. I grunted and groaned when she said we needed to stop. And where was I on the afternoon of the 4th of July? About to enter the grocery store!

#50 – Watching the 1977 World Series on DVD is faster (and better) than taking NyQuil. I don’t think I’ve made it through an entire inning! Thanks Chris & Allison!

As mentioned above, I’m not a fan of dark and quiet. Thankfully my parent’s allowed me to borrow their small TV with DVD player that is usually reserved for the kids. Yes, the same kids that are on the bottom side of the world. But I’d need to watch something so I could fall asleep. What would be interesting to start with but would taper off and become slow and maybe a little boring? Ahh! That’s right! The 1977 World Series DVD that our friends Chris and Allison gave me for my birthday (after Allison had won it at an AquaSox game). I didn’t mind the re-gift because it was the ’77 World Series. The year I was born plus the year Reggie Jackson hit three home runs in one game. Still it’s 1977 and they hadn’t quite figured out the graphics or camera angles. And every night I watch an inning of all six games (including Game 5 of the ALCS). It’s the quickest way to fall asleep!

NOTE: It’s funny how different times change in both the way the sport is televised and played. For instance, in the ALCS Royals’ star George Brett ripped a triple down the right-field line. As he slid into third Yankees’ third baseman Graig Nettles nonchalantly kicked Brett. Brett bounced up and started punching Nettles immediately. The dugouts were cleared and 10 minutes later Brett was on third and Nettles was back at his position. I was surprised first at how quickly Brett was raged and how quick he began punching. I was surprised he wasn’t ejected. I thought, “I’m headed to sleep early. The Royals just lost their best player in the first inning!” Nope! I don’t think that would happen these days.

OK … that’s enough of that. Thank you again for checking up on me! Thanks to everyone that has kept me busy for the first nine days! Only 50 more to go!

One thought on “58 Things I Learned While Being Home Alone – Nos. 58-50

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