Diary of a Delivery – Day 1

I’ve always wanted to write something like this – a timeline of an event. I’ve seen one of my favorite sports columnists Bill Simmons perfect it for things like the NFL or NBA Draft so I thought I would do it for the birth of my third – and hopefully last – child. Of course since I decided to do this he’s going to take his time (the third kid, not Bill Simmons) popping out of Lis, causing me to give up doing it and/or me writing a lot of nonsense to make up for the boring hours and hours we awaited his arrival.

Lis and I are expecting our third child. Yes, the third child. I apologize to any third child of this era because for some reason you’re just not as special as the second and definitely not as special as the first. Not to your parents because in actuality I’ve looked forward to No. 3 as much as I’ve looked forward to No. 1, just not with the same curiosity or nervousness as I did with No. 1. It just seems like when I tell people that it’s Kid No. 3 they give me a congratulatory, “Oh.”

For example, I told a client of mine that I’m having a kid. “Is this your first?” she asked. “No, this will be No. 3,” I replied. “Oh,” she said. That wasn’t even the first time that happened.

There’s something about this generation that frowns upon the third child. It might be the whole “overpopulation” thing (doesn’t it all even itself out eventually? 10,000 births now, natural disaster five months later), maybe it’s the recession and everyone cutting their budgets, maybe it’s all that Mountain Dew that people drank in high school cutting down on the healthy swimmers. I don’t know. And you know what? I no longer care! I’m actually excited because the third child brings a bigger and happier family. I grew up in a family of five; Lis grew up in a family of six. For the most part we like our “big” families.

Okay, okay. I’ll stop trying to sound like I’m trying to validate my having a third kid. It wasn’t planned (1/2 a session and she’s pregnant!) and we were completely shocked but after a few minutes of that we were happy to add an addition to our household.

Here’s a rundown of where we are as of the late night of Saturday, March 26, 2011:

Friday, March 25, 2011

3:57 p.m. – Knowing that Lis wants the doctor to unplug her today, and knowing that the first two kiddos were born hours afterwards, I finalize my swan song email to my co-workers asking them to take care of my work while I’m on my Baby Vacation for a  few days. Some of my best writing was in that email. I would post it here but nobody but the fine ladies of Balcos Insurance would understand and they probably aren’t going to read this. In fact nobody is. Hellloooo out there!

4:03 p.m. – I leave my office in Ballard and head towards America’s City – Everett, WA for Lis’s 4:30 appointment. Why did I think it would take me a ½ hour to get to Everett on a Friday afternoon? Idiot! Why does every bump in the road irritate me more when there is somewhere I need to be?

4:35 p.m. – At least it’s sunny on I-5. I sit in traffic hoping that Lis doesn’t go into labor next week while I’m at work, especially from 3-6pm when I’d be sitting in traffic. I’d hate to miss the birth of my third child (“Oh.”) because our mass transit system sucks. Seriously, I can’t take a bus to work because it would take a day and a half to get there. No joke.

4:50 p.m. – I get into Everett when my mom calls and lets me know that Lis is done with her appointment. Perfect! Lis says she is fine and she confirms that she has been uncorked. Let the adventure begin!

4:55 p.m. – I pass McCabe’s my favorite country music/hip-hop bar in Snohomish County! Represent!

6:30 p.m. – We finish dinner at the lovely Monroe Red Robin. I had a Bleu Ribbon Burger. I’ll be feeling that later.

11:08 p.m. – I get my first text from my manager Tracy. She asks for a baby update. She had warned me earlier in the day that she would periodically text me over the weekend. Speaking of earlier in the day, it was about 3 p.m. when it really really hit me. I was going to be having a kid soon. I felt emotional. Another little person that I created. Another addition to the family. How cool!

11:20 p.m. – Spring brings allergies to the Johnson household so since I can’t breathe out of my nose I volunteer to sleep on the couch giving Lis more room to relax and not have to worry about putting in earplugs and rolling me over onto my side periodically through the night.

Saturday, March 26, 2011

7:34 a.m. – I awake from my uncomfortable sleep on the couch and check on Lis. She’s wide awake and says she’s been having contractions since 6am and about every 10 minutes thereafter. Rats! I have a live auction baseball draft at 10am. How will this pan out?

8:38 a.m. – Lis sits uncomfortably on the chair in the living room. She’s not in pain, she just looks like she’s waiting for something to happen. I wonder if I should ditch my Early Stages of Labor wife for a baseball draft. Argh…my two loves fighting it out for me.

9:22 a.m. – I make the toughest decision I’ve made since I chose the Bleu Ribbon Burger over the Whiskey River® BBQ Chicken Wrap the night before and choose my baseball draft over Lis. I hope I’m not as wrong as I was the night before. Definitely should’ve gone with the wrap. A couple of things went into my decision. She wasn’t in pain. The contractions weren’t speeding up but actually slowing down and it’s a live in-person auction draft. So cool!

10:03 a.m. – I made it! Seven guys (yes, that’s it) sit around a table in a conference room in a nice office building staring at a spreadsheet (I love spreadsheets) that have 29 empty cells waiting for names to fill them up like cookies in a jar (sorry first thing I could think of. Break time for a snack!). It sounds geeky to most of you but for us fantasy nerds it’s one of the best times of the year. I wasn’t an auction draft fan until I tried it last year. Someone nominates a player then we go back and forth spending $260 on our roster and talking baseball. All that equals a good time for Kevy.

10:40 a.m. – I spend $40 on my favorite player, Evan Longoria. I could’ve kept him for $38 and nearly got him for $37 before Steve and his dad bid him up two more spots to $40.

1:30 p.m. – Three-and-a-half hours later and the draft ends. I call Lis to ask how she’s doing. She’s feeling fine and the contractions have slowed down. I want to tell her about how well I thought I did in my draft but don’t want to excite her too much. I mean a 5-man rotation of Jon Lester, Felix Hernandez, Josh Johnson, David Price and Brandon Morrow? C’mon! I love the power-speed dudes and I got a plethora of possible 20-20 guys in Longoria, Ian Kinsler, Alexei Ramirez, Ian Desmond, Nelson Cruz, Andrew McCutchen, Drew Stubbs and Grady Sizemore. I’m pumped!

1:45 p.m. – I stop by the fine establishment of McDonald’s for a cheap-o meal. Turns out my brother and his wife took the kids to Mickey D’s and my dad brought Lis and my mom Mickey D’s. Weird? Maybe. But we are a product of McDonald’s. If it weren’t for the Golden Arches I wouldn’t be here. My parents met at McDonald’s back in 1976. She ran the cash register, he made the fries and the rest is my history! I pitched the idea to Mickey D’s as part of their “I’m Lovin’ It” campaign. They thanked me and moved on. Seriously…two teenagers meet working at McDonald’s and 35 years later they are still together taking their kids’ kids to Mickey D’s. It’s touching and it’d make me have another Quarter Pounder!

2:27 p.m. – I arrive home. Mom’s running her own personal timeline but she’s keeping track of more important things like the time between contractions, the name of Erik’s tattoo artist and some note about “lights for Earth something!” that she can’t remember. I’d run her list here but she took it home with her. A darn shame too as it’s probably more entertaining than my running log.

4:01 p.m. – Butler does it again! What a game! What a tournament! Seriously, how can you argue that the NCAA tournament is NOT the best sporting event in the world? I know the World Cup brings countries together and blah, blah but all these games come down to the wire. Teams make runs and teams counter those runs with runs of their own. In a couple of hours I’ll watch Arizona take a lead on UCONN before UCONN takes the lead back and then beats Arizona by two points as the Wildcats miss two 3’s at the end of regulation (why not play for the tie rather than the win? I guess that’s what makes March Madness so mad eh?). Oh yeah, Lis is doing fine.

6:07 p.m. – We figured Lis should get out and stretch those bajingo muscles so we drove to Fred Meyer and walked around for a bit. It didn’t work as her contractions are further apart. This kid is going to drive me crazy before he reaches daylight! I don’t want to return to work with no new news then sit at my desk stressed, waiting for THE phone call and knowing every annoying client and their cousin will be calling in asking to be remarketed ASAP.

9:30 p.m. – My brother and his wife leave after doing a nice job of keeping the kids occupied. Thanks kids! Sadly we’re all waiting for Lis to go into pain. Having a kid is weird like that. We look forward to the pain knowing that a baby will soon arrive. We also talk about the mom-to-be’s bajingo like it’s nothing. I remember one time we were in our church small group talking about a ladies daughter and how dilated she was. I said, “Isn’t weird? If we step back and think about what the conversation is about, we’re just talking about your daughter’s vagina. We wouldn’t normally do that.” I don’t know. Kind of amusing.

9:45 p.m. – Lis heads to bed. Nothing new to report.

11:12 p.m. – I finish typing up my notes knowing that tomorrow brings another day of waiting and hoping, which is probably why nothing is going to happen. We weren’t anticipating the labor the first two times. I told Lis we just need to go about our Sunday business (church and my basketball game) as if nothing is going to happen and you never know … nothing will probably happen. Signing off!

3 thoughts on “Diary of a Delivery – Day 1

  1. Of course people still read! I do. At least. A fellow insurance nerd.

    Also, the NCAA Hockey tournament is just as exciting as the basketball tourney! Only 1 of the top 4 seeds are still in the hunt at the quarter finals!

    Like

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