Dear Lukas – October 17, 2005

Dear Lukas,

Happy Birthday son! One year already! Wow! Seems like it was just a few months ago when your Mom began having labor pains in the middle of the night at a campsite in the middle of nowhere. Now, 12 months later, that pain in her tummy has become the light of our life.

This is just a little letter to express to you how I feel. Though I know you can’t read right now, I know someday you’ll look back at this later and hopefully be able to tell how much you mean to me and my life. You’ve changed it greatly and have made me a better person. Crazy to say about someone just a year old, but we’ve been through a lot already in your first year. I only hope your second year isn’t so busy. Maybe one day – probably in your teens – I will give this letter to you to read so you won’t be ticked off at me for not letting you use the car. Whoa…let’s not jump that far ahead.

I can’t begin to tell you the joy you have brought into the life of your family and friends, and more importantly, your Mom and Dad.

You were our inspiration through the toughest part of our life. You were a big reason – if not THE reason – that Mom was able to recover so quickly and get out of the hospital so quickly. I actually think she tricked the nurses into thinking she was well just so she could see her baby. The joy you bring to your Mom is amazing. Looking at her you can’t tell that she has been through what she’s been though and she owes that to you. You don’t allow us to reflect on the bad stuff and get depressed, how could we when mixed in those bad thoughts are happy thoughts of our little guy growing up.

And during those times you were my hero. I remember coming home the night of April 7, after leaving Mom at the hospital and looking at you and telling you that we needed to step up our game. Mom needed us more than ever, I needed you more than ever. You had yet to sleep through the night but on April 8 you did (even though I was up and down wondering if you were okay cause you weren’t awake yet). Then there were the long depressing walks out to the car. I’d take you out of your stroller and put you into your car seat. Then, as I put the stroller in the back of the car, I’d look up at you and you’d give me a big smile and laugh as if to tell me, “Don’t worry Dad, things going be okay!” How could I still be down after a look like that? I just thought to myself, “Thank you God! Thank you for this wonderful gift in this time of need!”

I always wanted to be a father and I always thought I’d be a good one. There were times before the dreaded month of April that I would get frustrated with you and myself. You could feel it and it only made me more frustrated. I didn’t know what I was doing. You wouldn’t stop crying. What was I going to do? I wondered if I was doing a good job, if I was being a good father, and I doubted myself a lot.

That all changed on that day in April. You and I became best buds and even though you were just an infant I felt a bond with you that would change my life forever. I promised to never get that frustrated again and to always be there for my son, no matter what else is going on in my life. We were a team, you and I, and we’ll always be a team.

So I hope you look back at this letter someday and think about what you mean to me and your Mom. After all, this whole journal has been for you. Not for the many people that read this on the Internet, nor for our family and friends who want to check up on how Mommy is doing and how cute you look. This is all for you so you can know what you’re Mommy went through. Years from now you can look back and realize how great she is and how much I am grateful that you came to us just a few months before this all happened and eased us through the emotional times we went through.

2 thoughts on “Dear Lukas – October 17, 2005

  1. What a beautiful letter. I am in tears!!Happy Birthday Lukas!!!Hugs to you all!JanetThanks for reminding me what a blessing children are.

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  2. That was absolutely beautiful!!Happy 1ST B-Day Lukas!!! <:)~Aren\’t children a wonderful thing!! I couldn\’t imagine life w/o my 2!

    Like

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