I need a hug. Not one of those – “Hi, good to see you again”, standing two feet away from you, tapping your back – kind of hug, a real strong hug. The kind where you can feel that the other person cares about you.
Okay, so you’re probably wondering why I’m giving out definitions of hugs. Well, Lis had her check up today and it turns out that the fever we were discussing is not a good thing. Right now Lis is in the hospital hopefully getting a refill on blood, platelets (can’t get enough of that word), white blood cells and some antibotics. Turns out Lis was on empty thus the high fever, increasing fatigue and sudden change of color (hey, she matches me and Lukas again!).
Ahh yes, today was a good day. Today felt a lot like Day One minus the doctor popping out of the cake screaming “Surprise! You have cancer!” This time we knew what she had but the fear, frustration and nervousness were back as were the little red dots. And this time the nurses weren’t as gentle. One was celebrating a birthday and acted as though she had a few too many birthday beers. The other, my personal favorite, walked in, coughed and gave us the same line she had given us three other times, “I’m not sick, it’s just allergies, if I was sick I wouldn’t be here…” allergies eh? Well maybe you should lay off the nicotine since I just saw you puffing on a cigerette before your shift started or stop giving us lame excuses. Or maybe it was the room change. We no longer have lucky # 707.
I mean, Lis got poked and prodded so many times she now whistles when she walks to the bathroom. My favorite nurse poked Lis a few times in the top of the hand, Lis grimaced and almost cried (which I’ve never seen her do when stuck with a needle), then complained that it hurt. The nurse replied “sorry”, left the room and a few moments later the IV nurse came in and asked the other nurse to put ice on Lis’ hand which was now swollen thanks to the mishap. Meanwhile, the RN is removing the tourniquet from Lis’ arm and leaves the room with Lis bleeding. For those who don’t know, when someone has a low blood count or low platelet count you don’t want them bleeding or bruising. There is a friggin’ sign on the door that says that.
Overall the day sucked. I didn’t go to work, my mind and body weren’t with it today so there’d be no point. I’m so emotionally exhausted I need a good cry and/or hug.
Lukas just woke up and was trying to make me laugh – he succeeded. He woke up when he should’ve been sleeping then he put his face into the bed and screamed into it then looked up and smiled, then did it again, and looked up and smiled. It was funny and good help. He just knows when he’s supposed to help Daddy smile.